you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
