at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
