i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You are a genius and a whore.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
