do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
