dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
