i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
