you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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