Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
