I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
