Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
