You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think your dad took our porno
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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