So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I want a musical about memes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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