I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
