we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
