Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
