I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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