My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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