I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
