my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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