why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They have beer where we have blood.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
