what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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