Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
