Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
