I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
