I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
