The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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