woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
