i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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