So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
