: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
