she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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