Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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