I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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