Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
