Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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