I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
