hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
