All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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