dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
