Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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