Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
