Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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