She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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