I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
