my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
