One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
