I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
