I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
