Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I party with great urgency now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
