you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
