Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
