New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
