I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
