i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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