return my video game
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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