Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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