I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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