Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
