I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
