i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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