mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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