I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
