My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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