Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
