At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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