I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
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Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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