Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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