I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Floor bacon is actually really good
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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