I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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